god?
you know what. my grades have been slipping. and i feel very disappointed with myself. i've tried really hard, yet i cant seem to do well. what should i do..i really dont know where to go now.. or what's gonna come next.. maybe its cos i have too much confidence, or too little faith, or maybe i havent been trying as hard as i think i am, or even cos i havent had enough practice and havent fully understood the topic. whatever it is. i know i'm capable of better grades, but.. this all seems like a dream now. a dream that will nvr seem to come true no matter how hard i try.
i'm really scared father. scared that i wont be able to meet the many expectations, parents, teachers, friends, and the biggest of all, myself. i really dont wanna disappoint them, and i dont wanna give up. but i'm so tired god. i really am. i wanna take a break. just forget about how important actually is and take this as lightheartedly as possible. but god, its really impossible. whenever i think of the o's, i get really frightened. what if i dont do well? what if i cant make the requirement? what if i do so badly that even australia wont want me anymore? what do i do next lord? my heart is sinking from all this weight lord, its really heavy. really heavy.
you know what i'm feeling god. cos you are up there, and i'm down here. i really wanna just hand things over to you to control, to take over my life. cos i know i cant do it alone. i really want to trust in you and believe i can do well. but. why doesnt things turn out the way i want it to? i know you have a plan for me.. and lord. give me patience and wisdom, help me believe. show me a miracle lord. take away my self-pity, my sadness. i really need your love and care now, more than ever. i dont think i can be brave anymore. i cant face this alone. i need you.
you know me father. even before i was born. you know my every thought, my every step. i love you lord. and i want to trust and have faith in you. with all that i am father, i give to you. cos you hold my world in your hands. and you want whats best for me. thank you god for everything you've given me. lord i just pray that you wont let me give up on myself. cos you nvr gave up on me. i can do it. not by my might, but by yours alone. and in everything i do, let it glorify your name. i'm so sorry father.
amen
a shout of praise.
11:42 PM
